I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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