I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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