My pussy is not your playground.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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