there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the raccoons are back...
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