Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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