Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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