Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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