we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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