He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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