from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
