i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
