Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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