I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
