Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
