I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
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we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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