You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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