and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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