Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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