I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
