Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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