Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
