Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
