as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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