the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
