Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
