i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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