P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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