i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
