I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
