I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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