If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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