just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
