Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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