i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
