remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
