I am puke
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
