I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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