Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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