I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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