Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
