I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
