i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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