I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
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these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
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I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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