Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
