Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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