i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
