I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
