We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
