Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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