I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Im part way to drunk.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
