we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
