Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
