i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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