from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
are you so shy because you have an std?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
