I wanna bring you to show and tell
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
