Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
