my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
pray to the hookup gods
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
