I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
