I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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