I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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