apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
