she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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