Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
