I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
