Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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