she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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