why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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