I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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