conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
