the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Randomize
