He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Just pee around me
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
