sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
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FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
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