My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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