I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
