if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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