Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
so let's talk penis.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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