I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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