i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
my liver is dry heaving
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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