Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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