The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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