i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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