she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
