the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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