he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
