Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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